"Cheer up Sleepy Jean/Oh what can it mean/To a daydream believer and a homecoming queen."  Edge grins as he stops singing and allows the crowd to continue, accompanied by the overwhelmingly happy muzak. The fans, 50, 000 strong, join hands in the air and sway back and forth on a balmy prairie evening. Cheese is in the air. Inspired, Edge breaks into a little twist, and the ditty ends. The crowd chants, "EDGE! EDGE! EDGE!" as he makes his way back from the B-stage. This is Edge's favourite part of the concert- where he is unequivocally the star, unfettered by the burdens of the electric guitar, happily clad in his Vegas Pimp outfit. And to top it off, he gets to masquerade as a Monkee, if only for a few brief minutes. It just doesn't get any better than that. He sighs as he straps his guitar back on, a bittersweet moment as the crowd still cheers for his karaoke. His eyes brim with tears of joy.

Larry and Adam waste no time thundering into the opening of Miami, and soon Bono enters from stage right, strutting his stuff in a terribly misguided print shirt, his pants hiked halfway to his armpits. As Bono sings, the song builds, and the crowd roars at the light show on the giant screen. Then comes the number's golden moment, as Bono beckons to a girl that has been plucked from the crowd. Almost totally lost in the mood, the singer does not notice that something is unusual until he leads the girl into a dance, when suddenly it dawns on him that this is no ordinary girl. She is dressed in a glittery silver bodysuit, with thigh-high white leather platform boots and white leather gloves, a cape billowing behind her. The crowd decides that she is simply decked for the concert, and pays it no mind. Bono knows better, and his eyes widen.

Bono : "Magical Enchantress Erin! What are you doing here?"

He is so shocked that he almost stops dancing completely.

Enchantress : (sternly) "Keep dancing, Bono. Act normal."

Suddenly there is a very strange, choked-sounding chord, and Bono looks over his shoulder to where Edge has nearly dropped his guitar. Edge in turn looks back at Adam, jerking his head towards the superheroine on stage. Adam nods gravely. Larry, intently mouthing the words to God-knows-what as he plays, is still oblivious.

Enchantress : (as they dance) "I'm sorry to have to barge in on you boys like this, but something is terribly wrong and I need your help."

She pauses as Bono dips her, then snaps her back up.

Bono : "But you've never solicited our help before. It's that bad?"

Enchantress : "Believe me, Bono, I wouldn't dream of-" Bono scoops her up and begins to spin around, "-asking you to help me if it weren't of the direst nature."

The song begins to draw to a close, and Bono is right back into it, purring, "Do you wanna have my baby?" as he lights a cigar he has placed in Magical Enchantress Erin's mouth. She blows smoke in his face, a no-nonsense look in her eye.

Enchantress : "Meet me backstage."

She waltzes off. Larry, Adam, and the Edge watch her go, burning to know what critical information she has given Bono.

Lost in the fervor of the crowd, U2 have all but forgotten about the visitation by the time the last encore has been played. They are jarred back to reality, however, when they arrive backstage to find Magical Enchantress Erin waiting for them, arms folded, eyebrow raised. With her is another superheroine, a very tall girl wearing a metallic, electric blue halter top and matching hot pants. She, too, is sporting thigh-high boots, and a lightening bolt head band sparkles from her forehead.

Adam : "Why, who is this magnificent creature?"
Enchantress : "This is my partner-in-crimestopping, Electric Jellyfish Jenny."
Edge : (suddenly disconcerted) "Wait a minute, here. Did you say 'Electric'? How can she be Electric? I'm Electric!"
Jellyfish : "Yeah, well, I'm more Electric."
Edge : "Listen, Sister, I don't know who you think you are, but I'm the main character, here, and I refuse to share my name."
Larry : "Oh, quit whining, Edge. You sound like Bono."
Enchantress : "I'm sorry, Edge, but she was Electric first. Besides, you try and come up with something for 'J'."

Electric Jellyfish Jenny looks smug as our heroes change into their supersuits. Edge takes his time, sulking, and the superheroines capitalize on the opportunity to work on their nails.

All-Powerful : "All right, Magical Enchantress Erin. We're ready. Now, what catastrophic occasion has warranted your attention?"
Enchantress : "It is something so heinous that even I cannot stop it alone. You're about to be up against your biggest foe yet, heroes."
Jellyfish : "Now, normally we wouldn't get physically involved in this sort of thing. We're the brains, you understand. But you boys will need all the help you can get."
Boozer : "Fresh. I'm down with a little female fortitude."
Jellyfish : "We're really outnumbered on this one, so we'll have to be crafty, oh-so-crafty."

She narrows her right eye, arches her left eyebrow, and stares into the distance for a moment.

Lovely Larry : (hopping up and down impatiently) "Ooh! Tell us! Come on!"
Enchantress : "Very well. It's the Spice Girls, gentlemen."

There is instant understanding.

Enchantress : "You've seen the video for Say You'll Be There? It's nothing more than a thinly-veiled challenge. They're out to get you, and they're dressed like enormously stupid call-girls to prove it."
All-Powerful : "But why? What have they got against us?"
Enchantress : "You're the only ones with the power to stop them. You see, they need you out of the way in order to implement their plan for total world domination."
Jellyfish : "That's right. They are even now in the process of creating minions: mindless, hopeless belly-top-wearing slobs with ridiculous hair."
Erogenous : "But how?"
Enchantress : "There's a new song they've just released. No one knows what it is called, but once heard, it totally brainwashes any female listeners. They become Spice Girls."
Lovely Larry : "Dastardly! That's the most fiendish thing I've ever heard! It makes me tremble."
Boozer : (grinning) "It makes me tremble, too. Mmmm.... belly tops..."
Jellyfish : "Of course, they lack the brains to come up with this master plan themselves. We believe they're working under the orders of THIS MAN!"

She yanks out a photo of the crude but famous sketch of a man in dark sunglasses and a hood.

All-Powerful : "The Unibomber?"
Jellyfish : "Exactly. He's the grey matter behind this whole-"
Erogenous : "Wait a minute. That's not the Unibomber. That's Bono."

Electric Jellyfish Jenny frowns and examines the photo closely. Magical Enchantress Erin peers over her shoulder.

Enchantress : "Dammit, it doesn't matter. Let's just get rid of the damn Spice Girls."

With that, Magical Enchantress Erin sprinkles pixie sparkles on all six of them, and they vanish. The last words lingering backstage belong to Electric Jellyfish Jenny.

Jellyfish : "And I just hate that they're English..."

Our heroes materialize just outside of the Spice Girl's favourite hangout, The Cheese Emporium. Men with greasy long hair parted in the middle and women with short skirts, Gucci bags, and hair sparkles walk in arm in arm. Quarter-note bass drum throbs from inside, instantly identifying the song as anything by any dance group.

Erogenous : "All right, so how do we get past the bouncers?"
Boozer : "Not a problem, Edge, babe. We got a coupla sassy sisters with our crew. C'mon, ladies, shake your booty."

On cue, Electric Jellyfish Jenny and Magical Enchantress Erin saunter up to the bouncers and engage them in a deep conversation about whether bras are actually necessary. Our heroes sneak by them unnoticed, slipping stealthily into the darkness of the bar. Weaving in and out of dancing bodies, they move across the dance floor, finally congregating in a corner to take stock of the situation. That is when they realize that they have lost someone.

All-Powerful : "Egad, heroes! Where is Bono the Benevolent Boozer?"
Erogenous : (sighing) "There he is."

He points to where Boozer is leaning against the bar and chatting with a gorgeous woman, a glass of whiskey in his hand and a crooked little grin on his face.

Erogenous : "For crying out loud! We've been here for a minute and a half!"

Abandoning his role as sidekick for a moment, Lovely Larry walks up behind Boozer, grabs a fistful of velvet collar, and yanks Boozer backwards.

Lovely Larry : "Let's go, Loverboy."
Boozer : "Chill, Lovely Larry. You're cramping my style." He smoothes out the crumples in his smoking jacket.

Our heroes have been waiting for over an hour for any sign of the Spice Girls, having been joined once again by the superheroines. The six are quite bored, and The Amazing All-Powerful Adam and Lovely Larry are plotting a way to destroy the source of the blasphemous mechanical rhythm section.

Enchantress : "If we don't succeed, I shudder to think what the world will be like."
Boozer : "Oh, come on now, Little Child. It can't be all that bad. The Lord madeth the female body to be viewed."

He laughs as Enchantress looks suitably disgusted.

Jellyfish : "You know what this is, it's just another attempt to revive English imperialism."
Erogenous : (closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose) "Oh, Lord." He smirks. "You're just jealous."

It takes all four of the other heroes to pull Electric Jellyfish Jenny off of Electric Erogenous Edge.

Boozer : "Reg, man, that's not the sort of thing you want to say to a lady."
Erogenous : (dabbing at a spot of blood on his neck) "Apparently. Jeepers."

Just then, the lights dim, and the music fades. All eyes focus on the stage. Then, with a flash of light and cheap studio smoke, the Spice Girls come strutting on to the stage, swaying their arms over their heads and swinging their hips to a totally nondescript beat. The audience seems mesmerized, unblinking as the Spice Girls lip-synch along. The men howl and whistle and dance, but the women just stare, glassy-eyed.

Boozer : "This is wack."
All-Powerful : "I couldn't agree more, Bono the Benevolent Boozer. But look at the strange effect the song seems to be having on the women. They're entranced!"
Boozer : "Ain't nothin' odd, Todd. I've got that same effect."
Erogenous : "Shut up, Boozer. This is serious. Look at these girls!"

The heroes follow his gaze to where a group of girls are sharing scissors to cut off the bottom half of their shirts. All around the heroes, women are suddenly becoming giggly, dropping the straps on their halter tops and hanging off any man who happens to be nearby.

Boozer : "Damn, Jimmy! What's gotten into these gals? They're acting like Lovely Larry's fans!"
Erogenous : "We can't just stand here and watch. What should we do, Enchantress?"

Electric Erogenous Edge turns, but Magical Enchantress Erin is no longer beside him. She and Electric Jellyfish Jenny have disappeared.

Lovely Larry : "What the- where are they? Oh my gosh!"

He claps both hands over his mouth and looks around him frantically.

Boozer : "Holy Elvis! Peep that!"

He points to the stage where the Spice Girls are still singing, but now there are two more of them, and the newcomers looks suspiciously like our superheroines. They are singing and dancing and jiggling along with the Spice Girls, and looking like they're having a great time, too. (Editor's note: If you feel you cannot continue reading, I advise you to take a break. This Episode is not for the faint of heart.)

All-Powerful : "Great Scot! This is monstrous! I've never seen something so appalling!"
Erogenous : (mowing dancers aside as he paws his way to the stage) "Hang on, Electric Jellyfish Jenny! I'll save you!!"

He fires his rocket boots and launches himself onto the stage, scooping up Electric Jellyfish Jenny. The other heroes are right behind him. Bono the Benevolent Boozer grabs Magical Enchantress Erin, and Lovely Larry tackles all five of the Spice Girls. The Amazing All-Powerful Adam rushes the mixing board and smashes it with one all-powerful fist.

Erogenous : (shaking Jellyfish's shoulders vigorously) "How do we snap them out of it?"

Boozer slaps Enchantress' face lightly. There is no response. He pats her cheek gently yet forcefully. She blinks and punches him in the teeth. Boozer reels back into Erogenous, and Electric Jellyfish Jenny is jostled half-awake. She sighs sleepily and wraps her arms around Erogenous' neck.

Boozer : (pinching his bloody nose) "Next time I'll wake up Jellyfish, and you can take Enchantress."
Enchantress : "Electric Jellyfish Jenny!! Wake up! Do you realize what just happened?"
Jellyfish : "I prefer to be left in ignorance."
Lovely Larry : "Well, I've taken care of the Spice Girls. They're over there, wrapped up in amp cords. The vipers."

Suddenly, the music resumes. Speakers mounted along the top of the walls blare the hypnotic song, and dozens of women who were just beginning to recover slip back into a stupor. Magical Enchantress Erin and Electric Jellyfish Jenny cover their ears.

Lovely Larry : "We've got to stop that music!"
All-Powerful : "The speaker are too high to reach! Heroes, we must think of something, and quickly!"
Erogenous : "I have an idea! Jellyfish, grab my hand!"

Baffled, Electric Jellyfish Jenny does as instructed. As soon as they grasp hands, Erogenous holds his arms in the air. Understanding, Jellyfish does the same. Bright blue bolts of lightening shoot up their outstretched arms and flash towards the speakers, destroying them in an explosion of sparks. When the smoke clears, the heroes stand triumphant.

All-Powerful : "That's pretty flashy, Erogenous."

He chuckles, pleased with his little pun.

Lovely Larry : "You see, you guys?" He throws an arm over each Electric superhero. "There's no need to fight. You're even more electric when you work together." He smiles, shakes his head, and wipes away a little tear. "So we've all learned something here today."
Boozer : "My stomach's heaving, Lovely Larry. Spare us your sidekick drivel, please."

Lovely Larry hangs his head.

It's time for Magical Enchantress Erin and Electric Jellyfish Jenny to take their leave. There are hugs and tears, from Boozer and Lovely Larry, respectively.

All-Powerful : "Will you ever be back?"
Enchantress : "Who knows? But don't count on it. If I were you, I'd devote my time to thinking about that arch-villain you're still dodging."

Our boys groan in unison.

Enchantress : "You didn't really think he was out of the picture, did you? Just 'cause he's been laying a little low?"
Erogenous : (desperately) "Do you know who he is?"
Enchantress : "Of course I do. But you know I can't tell you that. I will say this much, though: he's the last person you'll think of. But he knows you very, very well."
Lovely Larry : "Is he working from the inside?"
Enchantress : "We have to be on our way now."
Boozer : "That's chumpy. You gotta spill, Little Girl."
Enchantress : "Don't get cheeky, Boy. I gave you your powers, and I can take them away. For now, though, I gotta go. Electric Jellyfish and I have a record to make."

With that, Magical Enchantress Erin sprinkles magic dust on herself and Electric Jellyfish Jenny, and they disappear, leaving our four heroes alone to contemplate their next adventure.