Edge is seated cross-legged on the floor of Adam's den. His back to the glowing fireplace, he chews the end of his pen as he ponders the document before him. He is staring blankly at the ceiling when Adam enters with more logs for the fire.

Adam : "Whatcha doin', Edge?"

He steps over the guitarist to reach the fireplace.

Edge : (distantly) "Christmas list."
Adam : "Aha. Trying to figure out what to buy the kids?"
Edge : "No... it's my Christmas list. I've got to hurry if I want Santa to get it on time."
Adam : (dusting his hands off) "Edge, that's a pretty long list. A vineyard? The entire Rembrandt collection? A tennis club? Are you sure you deserve all that stuff?"
Edge : "My dear Adam, who doesn't deserve a tennis club?"
Adam : "Yes, but why that tennis club?"

Before Edge can answer, Larry comes bustling in, humming Christmas tunes as he hangs up his coat.

Larry : "Twelve drummers drumming... Evening, lads. I brought egg-nog."
Bono : "And I brought rum." Bono brushes the rain from his hat and plunks himself down by the fire.
Adam : "Great. I'll go get a bowl to mix it."
Bono : "Mix it? Too much hassle. Just get a shot glass."
Adam : "Good idea. A shot of rum in each glass."
Bono : "Huh? I meant a shot of egg-nog to chase the rum..." Bono removes his boots and sticks his heels up by the fire, staring ruefully at his tiny feet.
Adam : (suddenly peering at the singer) "Bono, why are your fingernails black?"
Bono : "Well, Ali and I were setting up the tree, and I was in charge of the lights..."
Adam : "Ah. Say no more."
Edge : (beaming triumphantly) "There. It's done. I think if I mail it now, Santa should get it on time. Don't you think, Larry?"
Larry : "Why don't you e-mail it?"
Adam : "Yeah, why don't you? Bono left his Powerbook here."
Bono : "So that's where it was..."

Adam grabs Bono's laptop from the mantle and plugs it into the phone jack. Larry sits in a wingback chair and perches the computer on his lap.

Larry : "Here, Reg. Give us the list. I'll just check my e-mail first... Hey! What do you know? I've got an e-mail here from Santa!"
Edge : "Larry, explain to me one more time why he likes you so much better than the rest of us."
Larry : "It's because I'm always a good boy, Edge. Hmm... that's odd. It says 'Re: help me'."
Adam : "Trouble with Rudolph again?"
Bono : "Nah. He came out of the closet years ago. Santa took care of that by putting him up front."
Larry : "Oh no! Santa's workshop has been taken over by the mob!"
Adam : "What? As in the Mafia?"
Larry : "Yes! They say the elves aren't bona-fide union labour! They're holding everything up! Oh, mercy..." Larry chokes down sobs.
Edge : "Christmas is only five days away! We have to hurry!"
Adam : "But who's going to water my Chia pot?"
Larry : "Don't you mean Chia pet?"
Adam : "Um... yes. That's just what I meant."

With that, our heroes change into their supersuits (bedecked with jingle bells for the holiday season) and leap into the Marvy Miracle MiG, bound for the North Pole.

Our heroes arrive a few short hours later at the North Pole, stashing the Marvy Miracle MiG behind a snowdrift. They have no trouble at all finding the house, since there is a large mob of teamsters picketing outside, toting signs like "Santa is a Commie" and "Sleighve Driver".

Erogenous : "How are we going to get in? Even if we get past the protesters, the whole place is full of mobsters."
All-Powerful : "I thought of that, Electric Erogenous Edge. That's why I stashed some disguises in the Marvy Miracle MiG. We'll camouflage ourselves as elves and walk right through the front door."

The heroes return to the jet and wait as The Amazing All-Powerful Adam grabs an armload of clothes.

Lovely Larry : "Ooh! I love the green tights. They're so much nicer than my hotpants."
Erogenous : "Speaking of your hotpants, they seem to be a little looser than usual."
Lovely Larry : (petulantly) "It's cold, okay?"
Boozer : "These shoes lose. They make my toes look teeny. I want the fly footwear with the long curly toes and bells."
Erogenous : "Well I'm sure not wearing that hat."
All-Powerful : "Why not?"
Erogenous : "That means I'd have to take this one off first..."

After some hemming and hawing, our heroes finally manage to dress up in the elf costumes. As predicted, they walk right past the teamsters without being harassed. Once inside, they head for the workshop in search of Santa.

All-Powerful : "Try to fit in, heroes. We'll probably have to split up if we want to find where they're keeping Santa."

Our heroes mingle among the elves in the workshop. They blend in nicely, since they are about the right height anyway. They are standing idle in the midst of a flurry of activity, however, and they are soon approached by a peevish-looking elf.

Elf : "You in the sunglasses! What are you guys, a bunch of rock stars? Let's get to work, bozos!"

The counterfeit elves immediately try to look busy. Enlivened by his work, Lovely Larry bursts into song. Boozer is, of course, delighted by this, and senses an opportunity to be the centre of attention, so he joins in. Soon, all four heroes are singing an inspired version of Whistle While You Work. After a moment, however, a nearby elf silences them by eminding them that they are elves, not dwarves. A few minutes later, Boozer again draws attention to himself by knocking over a large pile of Tickle Me Elmo dolls. Frustrated by their comrade's antics, Electric Erogenous Edge and The Amazing All-Powerful Adam grab Boozer by the wrists and ankles and hurl him away from the work zone where he can stay out of trouble.

Elf : "Hey, you guys. We don't approve of the dwarf-toss here. Let's get you jokers some real work. You-" he points to Boozer- "Go outside and park the sleigh. It's out back."

Electric Erogenous Edge looks mortified, and is about to protest, when the elf jabs a finger at him.

Elf : "You- you're assigned to the Electronics Department. You, Pretty Boy, can work on the Barbies. And you can be the personal assistant of that Mafia Don in Santa's chair. Keep him happy. They could shut us down at any second, and then Christmas would be over."

Our heroes glance at each other, shrug, and head off to their various departments.

The Amazing All-Powerful Adam is enjoying himself immensely. The Mafia Don, Alfonso, has already appropriated our hero's sunglasses, and smokes incessantly. He says little, and his few observations tend to be of a dry, analytical nature. In short, the two are getting along swimmingly. All-Powerful merely has to fetch a few drinks now and then, and he takes these opportunities to search for the master of the house. Santa is nowhere to be found, however. All-Powerful must therefore content himself to make conversation with the mobsters. Alfonso is in the middle of a Marlon Brando impersonation when one of his men appears.

Mafioso : "Alfonso, I thought you should know... One of the elves crashed the sleigh. He says it wasn't his fault."

Two other men in dark suits approach with Bono the Benevolent Boozer sandwiched between them.

Alfonso : "Is this the offending elf?" He scrutinizes Boozer. "Well, what happened?"
Boozer : "Blame the moon, Baby. It got in my eyes, and I couldn't see the garage. Besides, those are some dumb deer."
Alfonso : "It doesn't matter. Things are not running efficiently, and we haven't managed to reach an agreement with Santa Claus. He's refusing to recognize a union, and the elves are refusing to join. It's time to shut this joint down."
All-Powerful : "Wait! You can't just do that!"
Alfonso : "I think I just did, my man. Let's clean the joint out, boys."

Just as the Mafiosi are about to round up the elves, Lovely Larry bursts into the room wielding a thirty-foot Barbie doll. The men jump back, surprised. Electric Erogenous Edge then appears with a remote control in his hand. Grinning fiendishly, he works a joystick as the enormous Barbie stomps towards the Mafia men. The men scream and scatter as Lovely Larry cheers his creation. Alfonso is furious, and seizes The Amazing All-Powerful Adam, holding a pistol to his head.

Alfonso : "Call it off! You know these freaks, now make them shut that thing down!"

Grumbling, Electric Erogenous Edge flips a switch on his remote, and the gargantuan doll is deactivated. Lovely Larry looks positively dejected, and his bottom lip quivers. Bono the Benevolent Boozer is facing All-Powerful and Alfonso with his arms folded, a pensive look on his face.

All-Powerful : "Boozer! What'll we do?"
Boozer : "Chill down, CrazyClown. I've got a lightbulb in the noggin. Pass me that phone, will you, Kitten?"

Boozer picks up Alfonso's cell phone and places a call. He waits for a moment, then grins.

Boozer : "Frank, baby. Bono here. Yeah, we've got a little trouble up here..."

Boozer chats for a moment, then hands the phone to Alfonso, who takes it nervously.

Alfonso : "Yes, sir. We'll have it all taken care of by the time you get here."

Things are virtually back to normal by the time Frank Sinatra arrives. He pronounces everything in Ring-Ding shape, standing grandly with his hands behind his back. He arches his eyebrows as Lovely Larry approaches meekly, a small snare drum in his hands.

Lovely Larry : "Shall I play for you?" (Pa rum pa pum pum.)

Meanwhile, Electric Erogenous Edge has been teaching the other elves in the electronics department how to build and modify a multi-phased radar array, which he has built to install in the Marvy Miracle MiG. Santa Claus appears at last, and takes All-Powerful's hand into a hearty handshake.

Santa : "I owe you heroes a great deal. Thanks to you, Christmas is saved. You boys have all been moved to the "Very Good" list. I have to go now; I have a lot of catching up to do. By the way, tell Larry he can look forward to that Harley-Davidson Ken that he wants to go with his 4x4 Fun Barbie."

For his part, Sinatra has grabbed Bono the Benevolent Boozer, and leads him off to his limo for a little nip of scotch. His arm is draped over Boozer's shoulder, and he is rattling on about his youth.

Frank : "You know, Bono, back in my superheroing days..."

All-Powerful surveys the happy scene, hands on hips, for a moment, then wanders off to warm up the Marvy Miracle MiG.