The mirrorball Herohummer comes to a grinding, screeching halt a few metres away from the pier. Our heroes clamber out of their vehicle and stealthily creep behind a group of oil drums, where they huddle. The only sound is the plaintive cry of seagulls and the whispering swish of Lovely Larry's hotpants.

All-Powerful : (softly) "Electric Erogenous Edge, stick your head up and tell me what you see. But be careful: the element of surprise may be our only advantage."
Erogenous : "I see a dead fish, a dirty dog, an old shoe, some rubbish and - oooh!! A pretty seashell."
All-Powerful : "Nothing else?"
Erogenous : "Hmm. Not really. Well, there are several suspicious-looking characters carrying large crates on the deck of a ship. I really like that seashell."
All-Powerful : "Curious. I wonder what game is afoot."
Boozer : (staring blankly into space) "General Gavin is on that ship."
All-Powerful : "Wait a minute. Don't get jittery, Kid. There must be a hundred of those ships."
Boozer : (prophetically) "No. I feel his presence."
Lovely Larry : "If General Gavin is involved, it's sure to be something underhanded. We have to check it out."
All-Powerful : "Agreed. But the four of us will attract too much attention. Only one of us should go."
Erogenous : "Well, it can't be Bono the Benevolent Boozer. He's all but useless where General Gavin is concerned. And it can't be me - my supersuit is too shiny. I'd be seen for sure."
Lovely Larry : "You're the leader, Amazing All-Powerful Adam. I humbly suggest that you undertake the task."
Boozer : "Good call, Babydoll. It'll be a high-fi vibe, my man. Can you dig it?"
All-Powerful : "I will not fail, Heroes."
Boozer : "Fab. In the mean, we'll chill. Peace out, Baby."

The Amazing All-Powerful Adam slinks out from behind the oil drums and onto the beach. Flat on his stomach, he creeps along with his elbows, just as he was taught in superhero school. The overcast day and the smoky haze from the nearby fire ensure that there is no tell-tale flash from his gold supersuit. Finally, our hero reaches the pier and slips into the water. He surfaces just off the portside hull of the ship and listens. Almost immediately, he hears General Gavin's velvety lounge-lizard voice.

General Gavin : "All right, boys. Let's get this baby hummin'. I want that Guinness in London by dusk. By the time U2 even notices it's gone, we'll be makin' waves."

With that, he tosses a cigarette over the side. It hisses as it lands near The Amazing All-Powerful Adam.

Meanwhile, the other heroes remain camped out behind the oil drums. Lovely Larry watches All-Powerful's progress carefully, peering between the barrels and grinding his teeth. Bono the Benevolent Boozer tosses pebbles at a beercap, having trouble staying awake. Electric Erogenous Edge squats over a bit of sand on the pavement, holding his jaw as he concentrates intently. He is drawing a complex map of the area in the sand with his finger, muttering and frowning.

Erogenous : (pensively) "If I approach from this way, I could... no..."
Lovely Larry : "Are you planning our attack?"
Erogenous : "Hmm... What? Oh, no. I'm devising a way to get to that seashell without being noticed."

Just then, The Amazing All-Powerful Adam returns. He wrings out his cape.

Boozer : (wrinkling his nose) "Yewww... you're pungent, pal."
All-Powerful : "We're in trouble this time, Heroes. There's at least ten henchmen aboard that ship, not including General Gavin."
Boozer : "Who cares, man? I've had enough superheroing for one day, and I need sleep. Let's ditch."
All-Powerful : (Inspirationally) "I don't think so, Bono the Benevolent
Boozer. Do you know what's in those crates? It's our beer, boys. General Gavin has stolen U2's private direct-from-the-brewery stock of Guinness."

Bono the Benevolent Boozer opens his mouth to scream, but no sound comes out. Instead, he clutches at his throat and writhes on the ground.

Erogenous : "How is this possible? That Guinness is locked in a steel vault in the depths of The Clarence Hotel. Only the four of us and Big Daddy have the combination!"
Boozer : "First he steals our women, and now our beer!? This breaks the unspoken code of males everywhere! Man, he sucks!"
Larry: "I've had just about enough of that square-haired psychopath! Let's deal with him now, Heroes!"

Enraged beyond caution, our heroes race toward the ship, jaws clenched and fists tightly balled. Thunder and lightening rages overhead. The evil henchmen are loading the final crate of beloved beverage onto the ship just as they spy the oncoming superheroes.

General Gavin : "I think we've overstayed our welcome, Gentlemen. Let's put the engine in gear, shall we?"
The ship begins to pull away from the dock. Lovely Larry sprints toward the hull and grabs hold of a large metal ring. Straining, grunting, muscles bulging, Lovely Larry personally holds the ship in place while the other heroes leap onto the deck. General Gavin takes this opportunity to retire below. For his part, Lovely Larry is forced to let go and watch the ship drift away, unable to help his friends.

With Lovely Larry left behind, the other three heroes are now vastly outnumbered, this problem being worsened by the fact that Bono the Benevolent Boozer is quite busy picking bits of sea debris off his crushed velvet smoking jacket. Electric Erogenous Edge lands a telling blow on his opponent, who crashes to the deck like a fallen tree. Just as Erogenous turns to deal with another foe, however, the henchman rises to his feet again. Erogenous sees him, stops, and holds up his hands.

Erogenous : "Hold it!"

Everyone stops what they are doing and waits. Erogenous addresses the henchman.

Erogenous : "What do you think you're doing?"
Henchman : (annoyed) "I'm getting up. I can still fight."
Erogenous : "No, no, no. That's not how it works. If I hit you and you fall down, you stay down. There's no getting back up. You're done."
Henchman : (confused) "Huh? But I'm not unconscious! You only hit me once."
Erogenous : (shaking his head impatiently) "Listen, that's just how it is, OK? The hero only has to punch you once."

The others all murmur agreement.

Henchman II : "He's right, man. That's how it works." (to Erogenous, apologetically) "It's his first time in a comic strip."

Erogenous nods sympathetically. The fighting resumes, this time with Boozer joining in. It is not long, however, before our heroes are completely overpowered. Not surprisingly, General Gavin reappears.

General Gavin : "So, Heroes. Thought you'd rain on my parade again? Nobody gets that lucky twice, not even you."
He lights a cigarette. "How shall I reward you for gracing my ship with your presence? Concrete overshoes? No... not yet. Tie them up, boys. We'll deal with them after we unload the beer."

Meanwhile, Lovely Larry has rushed back to Principle Management to alert Big Daddy to the dire situation of the other heroes. Just as he is approaching Big Daddy's office, however, he hears something that stops him short.
Big Daddy : "I understand. Walked right into it, did they? Good."
Lovely Larry presses his ear against the door.

Big Daddy : "I'll bring the Happyhero Hydrofoil and pick them up. We'll decide what to do with them later." Just then, Lovely Larry hears the scraping of a chair.
Lovely Larry : (whispering to himself) "He's coming! I've got to hide. But where?"

Thinking fast, he grabs the aluminum trash can beside him and drops it over his head, then stands perfectly erect, hands by his sides. Big Daddy emerges from his office. He stops in front of Lovely Larry and frowns, but cannot place what is wrong and continues on his way. Lovely Larry quietly shuffles after him. He follows Big Daddy to the Happyhero Hydrofoil, making sure to stand perfectly still whenever Big Daddy hears something. Finally, Big Daddy gets into the vehicle and speeds away. Grabbing his waterwings, Lovely Larry dives into the water.

Back on the ship, our heroes are trying in vain to wriggle out of their bonds. General Gavin has been trying for some time to convince Bono the Benevolent Boozer to defect.
General Gavin : "Join me now. With our combined power we can rule together-"
Boozer : "Never! I'll never turn to the Dark Side."
General Gavin : "As you wish. But you will soon see the error of your ways."
Boozer : "Well, I must say I'm impressed that you managed to steal a boat of this size. I've never stolen anything bigger than a small fishing boat... Hey- you wanna go swimming? I really have the sudden urge to go for a dip."
General Gavin : "Not this time, my friend." He turns to call one of his henchmen. "Sinead! Come over here and guard these heroes."

With that, General Gavin storms off. Sinead approaches and sits cross-legged in front of our heroes. She holds a small doll in her hands, and introduces it as "Sinead". She begins singing to it. Our heroes' cries of despair travel across the narrowing expanse of ocean between the ship and the approaching hydrofoil. Big Daddy smiles to himself as he hears the sound. Suddenly, he notices something in one of the side mirrors. He turns around, but there is nothing to be seen but a single grey trash can, bobbing in the sea. Shrugging, he continues.

Our heroes have fallen asleep, but are awakened roughly by Lovely Larry, sopping wet and still wearing his waterwings. He unties the bonds of his fellow superheroes, occasionally casting his glance back to Sinead, who is curled up on the deck, sound asleep and clutching her doll. Lovely Larry puts his fingers to his moist, sensual lips and guides the others to the opposite end of the deck.

All-Powerful : "Good work, Lovely Larry! You've freed us! No we must find a way to get off this ship."
Boozer : "No how, jersey cow. I'm not leaving my beer behind."
Erogenous : "And I don't want to leave until we find out how General Gavin got the combination to the safe."
Lovely Larry : (grimly) "I know how he got the combination." (He chokes back heart-felt tears.) "It's Big Daddy. He's betrayed us!"
Boozer : (holding up his hands) "Whoa, kiddo. Are you jokin' or smokin'?"
Lovely Larry : "Neither. I overheard him at Principle Management, and then I followed him out here. He brought the Happyhero Hydrofoil. He's with General Gavin right now. Oh, Boozer!" He throws himself on Boozer's shoulder, wailing.
All-Powerful : "It can't be! Not Big Daddy!"
Erogenous : "I don't want to believe it either, All-Powerful, but it makes perfect sense. He's the arch-villain! 'sat's how our nemesis has known so much about us."
All-Powerful : "But why?" Suddenly, they all hear a sound.
Boozer : "Wheeeeee!!!"

The Amazing All-Powerful Adam turns to see Boozer's bare bottom as he launches himself over the side of the boat in a cannonball.

Erogenous : "Boozer! Get out of the water!"
Boozer : (sighing as he climbs out) "Big Daddy would swim with me..."

General Gavin is elaborately dressed like one of the Pirates of Penzance. He poses flamboyantly for Anton Corbijn, who snaps with gusto. Big Daddy stands nearby, sipping a mai-tai and smoking a cigar, a hot-pink boa wrapped around his neck. Big Daddy surveys the many other assorted costumes hanging at the ready.

Big Daddy : "So what is this for again?"
General Gavin : (looking tauntingly over his shoulder at Anton) "It's for the cover of my new album, "Ra Cha Cha... Variations on a theme by Andrew Lloyd Webber"."
Big Daddy : "Ah..."

At that moment, our heroes burst through the door. Bono the Benevolent Boozer tackles General Gavin, and Electric Erogenous Edge charges at Big Daddy. Lovely Larry and The Amazing All-Powerful Adam rush the photographer, but Anton merely waves his hand dismissively. Lovely Larry throws a punch, which Anton blocks with his kneecap.

Anton : "Pipe down, pip-squeaks. You might hurt yourselves."
Entirely disinterested, he moves to the periphery of the hold. Just then, Electric Erogenous Edge takes a flying leap at Big Daddy. He misses altogether, slamming into the bulkhead. He does manage to swat the mai-tai out of Big Daddy's hand, however, spilling it everywhere. Big Daddy looks with horror at the liquid on his hands. There is more on his face and neck, and his ears begin to smoke. Sparks fly. Gasping, Big Daddy falls to the ground.

Erogenous : "Holy smoke! He's a robot!"

The heroes stare in disbelief. Lovely Larry bursts into tears. Even General Gavin looks amazed.

Boozer : "Well I'll be rock 'n' rolled. Who knew?"
Anton : (with disgust) "Well of course he's a robot! That was perfectly obvious. Look here, the lines are all wrong. And look at the hue of his skin. Tsk. Wretched, wretched mockery."
All-Powerful : "But he can't have always been a robot! We would have known before now."
Boozer : "For sure, baby. He used to swim with me all the time."
Erogenous : "Wait! The super-duper electro-static Boozer-beeper! Remember that last message we got? It was short, concise, to the point. Big Daddy has been replaced!"
All-Powerful : "By Elvis, you're right! So where is the real Big Daddy? Who's behind this?"

They all turn to look at General Gavin, who holds his hands up defensively.

General Gavin : "Don't look at me. I didn't know he was a robot, either." His eyes narrow dangerously. "I don't like playing the patsy in someone else's twisted little game."

At that moment, All-Powerful's supercybernetic cell phone rings. He answers.

All-Powerful : "Hello? Big Daddy! Where have you been? What happened?" He listens for a moment, then hangs up. "He was locked in the broom closet, Heroes. Anne-Louise found him. He says he doesn't know who's behind it."

Determined not to be grim, General Gavin and Bono the Benevolent Boozer wander off to find the Guinness. Lovely Larry and Electric Erogenous Edge turn the ship around, while The Amazing All-Powerful Adam rounds up the henchmen. Then they all return belowdecks to drink, contemplate, and drink, in true Irish fashion.