The corridor echoes with his footfalls.
He closes the outside door behind him and approaches the mammoth steel vault. Punching the secret code into the keypad, he waits for the hissing sound that precedes the opening of the giant door. Once through, he approaches the glowing digital pad located on the wall.
He does his best to ignore the electronic cameras tracking his every move as he presses his thumb onto the pad. The print matches, and the door slides open to reveal the final gate.
He wastes no time, disarming the infra-red motion beams with his remote and stepping up to the tiny camera beside the door. The retinal scan takes only a moment, and he strides confidently into the main reception area of The Factory, Dublin. Immediately, several guards dressed in black and brandishing machine guns leap out of the shadows.
Recognizing Adam, they withdraw silently, disappointed. Adam continues unimpeded to the kitchen. There, Edge and Larry are waiting. They greet their bandmate.

Edge : "Good morning, Adam. We were just about to set things up."
Adam :"Where's Bono?"
Larry :"He's late, of course."
Adam :"Hmm. We must speak to that boy..."

Suddenly, the alarm sounds. The building goes dark, and red lights flash warningly. Our heroes barely glance at one another before they have changed into their supersuits and are dashing to the scene of the breach.

All-Powerful :"Be careful, Heroes. There's no telling what evil menace awaits us!"

Bracing themselves, our heroes rush forth into the reception area. There, surrounded by guards and lights and robots and dogs and MI-6 and lesser superheroes stands Bono, smiling sheepishly.

Erogenous :(sighing) "Bono, what happened?"
Bono :"I tripped the infra-red motion beams."
All-Powerful :"Why didn't you disarm them?"
Bono :"I lost my remote."

Lovely Larry rolls his eyes. Electric Erogenous Edge slaps his forehead. The Amazing All-Powerful Adam groans.

Bono :(defensively) "What?"
Erogenous :"Well, I guess we can change back to ourselves, then."

The heroes take turns changing in the refrigerator. (There are no phone booths here.)
The band members discuss their day as they move into the studio. Just as Larry is about to roll out the first shots, however, the telephone rings. Edge snatches up the receiver.

Edge : "Hello?"

The voice of an irate fan fills his ear.

Fan :"Hey, Edge, what's the deal? We've been waiting for the new record for months now! What the @#!&! are you guys doing, anyway?"
Edge :"Well, ehm... We haven't been able to devote our full attention to the record. We've been very busy..."
Fan :"Busy?! Doing what?"

Edge searches frantically for a response. How can he explain that they've been busy saving the world?
Just then, Bono snatches the phone away.

Bono :"Chill, babycat. The new vinyl will be spinnin' your way in a lamb's wink. It'll be mad groovin'." He then hangs up.

Sighing, Larry raises his sticks again. Suddenly, Paul McGuinness bursts into the room.

Larry :"AAAAAARRRRGH!!!! No wonder we can't finish this record!"
McGuinness :"This is an emergency, boys! Anne-Louise just got this fax..."
Adam :"What is it, Big Daddy?"
Big Daddy :"Blue Mountain Music has just sold all the rights to your songs!"
Adam :(his brow furrowed) "Good Lord! Why would they do a thing like that?"
Big Daddy :"It's worse than you think. They've sold the rights to...." he swallows hard... "Milli Vanilli."
U2 : "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....!!!!"
Bono :"I don't feel well..." He sits down and puts his head between his knees.
Edge :"Do you realize what this means? Their covering our tunes could destroy life on Earth as we know it!"
Adam :"We must act now, Heroes. We must save the music-listening public!
Larry :"Oh, man. This means that I have to change again. It isn't easy getting in and out of those hot pants, you know."
Boozer :"But the look so marvy... Hurry, cats! Let's take the Maroon MagicMobile!"
Erogenous :"Fine. But I'm driving."

Our heroes arrive outside Illusions Studios, nervous and seething. The Amazing All-Powerful Adam stalks purposefully to the door.

All-Powerful :"It's locked, and it's too thick to break down."
Erogenous : "Stand back, All-Powerful."

With that, Electric Erogenous Edge points a silver-gloved finger at the door. Lightening crackles from his fingertips and shoots forward, blowing the door off its hinges. Electric Erogenous Edge smiles with satisfaction at the smoke that billows from the entrance.

All-Powerful :"Good work, Erogenous!"
Lovely Larry :"So that's how you got the 'Electric' part of your name."
All-Powerful :"Sure. I gave it to him years ago."
Lovely Larry :"And Bono gave him the 'Edge' part. But where did the 'Erogenous' bit come from?"
All-Powerful :"I didn't do that."
Lovely Larry :"Well I certainly didn't. Bono the Benevolent Boozer?"
Boozer :"Not I."
Lovely Larry :"Then who gave you that name?"
Erogenous : (tersely) "None of your business."

Moving into the main lobby of the studios, our heroes are horrified at what they hear. Wafting from the static-filled speakers is "The Fly", done in a campy dance-polka. An off-key voice hollers "it's no secret that a liar won't believe anyone else..." The voice is half drowned out be accordion, spoons, and heavy bass. Bono the Benevolent Boozer moans and covers his ears.

Boozer :"Erogenous, make it stop! It hurts!"
All-Powerful :"We've got no time to lose! They've already begun recording! We'd better split up."
Lovely Larry :"Right you are, All-Powerful. Let's go, Heroes!"
Boozer :"Pipe down, Pretty Boy. You're my sidekick, remember?"

Lovely Larry hangs his head.

Lovely Larry creeps stealthily along the hallway, ever wary, ever alert. He moves with the agile grace and silence of a wildcat. The only sound is the faint swishing of his nylon hot pants. Suddenly, his keen eyes spy Milli, half of the evil team that threatens to destroy U2. He coils like a serpent about to strike, his ample muscles rippling. Just as he is about to pounce, however, Milli whirls around, seeing him.

Milli :"So, Lovely Larry. I’ve been expecting you."
Lovely Larry :"Surrender now, Milli, and we will be merciful. You don’t stand a chance."
Milli :"That’s what you think, Lovely Larry."
He pauses for a lengthy evil cackle.
"But we’ve done our homework. We know each of your weaknesses, and our traps have been laid!"

With that, he begins to shout at Lovely Larry. But he is not shouting just anything. He is shouting bullshit.

Milli :"I just love what you’ve been doing! You’re the best, Babe! Love ya! Mean it! You’re hot, Babe. Your new record will knock ‘em out! Have your people call my people..."

Lovely Larry doubles over in pain. He slaps his hands over his ears, but it is no use. He cannot stand this! He will perish, surely!

Electric Erogenous Edge stands outside the main control room. Somewhere nearby is the centre from which the loathsome music is emanating. Just then, Electric Erogenous Edge spies the main electrical breaker. All he has to do is flip the switch and....

Voice :"Oh, Erogenous..."

Electric Erogenous Edge spins around, coming face to face with a beautiful belly dancer. She sways her bejewelled belly button and begins to back away into the darkness. Electric Erogenous Edge, hopelessly entranced, follows. The dancer weaves seductively into a dark room, trailing our lovestruck hero. As soon as Electric Erogenous Edge crosses the threshold, the door slams behind him. The belly dancer vanishes. Heart broken and trapped, our hero tries to think clearly.

Erogenous :"Hmm. The door is steel, so I can’t zap it. I wonder if there’s another way out? But it’s so dark..."

It seems hopeless. Is our hero trapped forever?

The Amazing All-Powerful Adam is having difficulties of his own. His tight spandex supersuit does not allow for pockets, and thus our hero has no access to his cigarettes. It has been almost half an hour since his last smoke, and The Amazing All-Powerful Adam is in the vicious throes of a nic-fit. He searches frantically through the billows of his cape, but to no avail. He breaks out into a cold sweat. Just then, the door directly in front of him swishes open, Star Trek style, to reveal a breathtaking sight. The room is full of dazzling supermodels, and they are all smoking. The Amazing All-Powerful Adam cannot resist...

Lovely Larry is on the brink of disaster. As Milli mercilessly bombards him with prattspeak, brown-nosing, ass-kissing and other unpleasantries, Lovely Larry tries to back away. But his is too weak, and Milli approaches, a fiendish grin on his face. Just as he is about to hurl his last nicety, however, Bono the Benevolent Boozer appears and, utterly impervious to bullshit, interposes himself between the villain and his sidekick.

Boozer :"Yo, your style is beat. Get your sorry-ass mug outta my frame before I front y’all."
Milli :(perplexed) "Huh?"
Boozer :(with obvious disgust) "I should’ve known you wouldn’t be down with the word, Kitten. Leave my sidekick alone."
Milli :"You’re in no position to threaten me, Bono the Benevolent Boozer. Like you helpless chumpy friends, I know your ultimate weakness. You are no match for us!"

With that, Milli flips a switch, and I Can’t Help Falling in Love With You comes over the speakers. But it is being done to the beat of Blame it on the Rain. Milli begins to lipsynch and do the running man. Bono the Benevolent Boozer cries out, reeling backward.

Bono :"My King! NOOOO...!!!!"

Bono the Benevolent Boozer is in obvious pain, but Lovely Larry cannot help him. He is still too weak. But he must do something! Mustering one last bit of strength, Lovely Larry manages to shout to Bono the Benevolent Boozer.

Lovely Larry :"Quick, Boozer! Use your superpower before it’s too late!" He then slumps to the ground. Boozer’s face lights up, and before Milli can intervene, he has morphed into MacPhsito, that campy, kitsch-loving maestro of madness.
MacPhisto : "Bravo. Simply marvelous. I doubt Elvis would approve, but alas, he’s dead."

He applauds weakly, a sickly grin on his visage. Milli, shocked and confused, begins to back away, forgetting the music. MacPhisto begins to croon along instead, his cracked and ancient voice ever-so-painfully off-key. He hobbles cloven-hoofed towards Milli, throwing his arm around the villain with gusto.

MacPhisto : "Yes indeed. Marvellous, simply lovely. Help me out, won’t you, Old Chap?"

He begins to sway to the music, yanking Milli along with him. Panicky and uncertain, Milli leaps back and raises his fists.

Milli :"All right, Devil Boy. Let’s settle this right here!"

MacPhisto arches one finely upswept brow, curious and disdainful.

MacPhisto : (loftily) "I suppose I should not be at all surprised that you would resort to this childishness. As you can see, I am an old man. I certainly will not fight you. Shoo, Little One."

He flutters his hands at Milli as if dusting off a bug. Milli lunges forward, taking a swing at the elderly pop star. MacPhisto steps aside.

MacPhisto : "A very large mistake, I assure you," he snarls.

Before Milli even knows what has happened, MacPhisto has morphed again, this time into the leather-clad space pimp known as The Fly. Milli can feel The Fly’s doleful look, even through the welder-thick sunglasses. He barely has time to notice the change before one of The Fly’s ringed knuckles has planted itself on his jaw. Milli tries to fight back, but he is no match for the experienced bar-brawler, and The Fly makes short work of him. Moments later, Lovely Larry regains consciousness and sits up. Bono the Benevolent Boozer is standing over Milli, rubbing his knuckles ruefully.

Boozer :"I wish you hadn’t decided to inspect the floor, Lovely Larry. My delicate digits ache."
Lovely Larry :"It’s good for you to let the Dublin punk of your childhood out once in a while. Besides, it’s better that you learn to take care of yourself. I can’t always be throwing the punches. I won’t be your sidekick forever, you know. One day, when I’m all grown up, I’ll-"
Boozer :"Zip it, Pup. This is no time for speeches. We’ve got to wrap this thing up, and we’ve only got two pages left.

Electric Erogenous Edge is still searching fruitlessly for an exit in this dark, square room. It feels seamless, and there doesn’t seem to be any way out. He can’t even figure out how he got in. Losing hope, our hero begins to wonder if this is his last adventure. Perhaps, he thinks to himself, the Antichrist is on the way. Or perhaps Milli Vanilli is the Antichrist... Suddenly, the room is flooded with light. Standing silhouetted in the doorway, grand and imposing, is The Amazing All-Powerful Adam. He poses grandly for a moment while Electric Erogenous Edge’s eyes adjust to the light.

All-Powerful :"All right. Let’s hurry up, then. I have found the other heroes, and we are ready to unite and find Vanilli."
Erogenous :"But how did you escape, All-Powerful. Surely I wasn’t the only one for whom a cleverly designed trap was waiting?"
All-Powerful :(gravely) "Alas, no. But our nemesis made a crucial error in designing mine. While I was in dire need of a smoke, I have had quite enough of supermodels. I bummed a cig and ditched."
Erogenous :"Ah."

Electric Erogenous Edge notices Bono the Benevolent Boozer and Lovely Larry standing silently behind The Amazing All-Powerful Adam.

Erogenous :"What’s with them? They’re awfully quiet."
All-Powerful :"They’re determined to save space."
Erogenous :"Ah."

Our heroes have at last arrived in the control room, ready to confront Vanilli. But the latter is already in a heap on the floor. All of the recording equipment has been destroyed. Perplexed, The Amazing All-Powerful Adam kneels beside Vanilli and feels for a pulse. There is none.

All-Powerful :"Hmm. Someone has gotten to him.
Lovely Larry :"But who? When? Why?"

Confused and disappointed, Lovely Larry bursts into tears, flinging himself onto Bono the Benevolent Boozer’s shoulder. Boozer holds his head and pats his back comfortingly.

Erogenous :"He must have been working for someone. Someone who didn’t want us to know their identity."
All-Powerful :"I agree. Something fishy is afoot. But there’s nothing more for us to do here, Heroes."
Boozer : "This place is mad ill. I’m not down with this trife scene. Let’s bust."

With that, our heroes leap back into the Maroon MagicMobile and speed off.

Back at Principle Management, our heroes discuss their adventure with Big Daddy.

All-Powerful :"Well, what do you think, Big Daddy? Who could know us so well to have laid all those traps?"
Big Daddy :"I don’t know, All-Powerful, but you can be sure that we haven’t heard the last of him, whoever he is."
Boozer :"Well, whoever this joker is, I’m chillin’ ‘cause I know he’s stressing with the wrong crew. That cat better watch his tail."
Erogenous :"What’s with you, Harlem Boy?"
Boozer :"I just got back from Manhattan, and I haven’t had time to adjust my lingo."

The conversation drifts to other things, but Lovely Larry sits silently, pensively, worrying about this new Archvillain who looms large in his life. What does this new threat hold in store for the heroes, he wonders. How can they fight a villain who knows them better than they know themselves? Only time will tell.