It is a quiet morning in Dublin. The air is heavy with humidity, and people everywhere are praying for these next two days to be over, so that they can relax in the oppressive heat. Our hero wakes up late, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with the heel of his hand and facing his alarm clock. 9:05 am, August 8. Time to get up and face the world. No sooner is he showered and shaved than a loud knock rattles his door. Mystified, our hero opens it cautiously. It is Adam. He wastes no time entering the room, stalking past Edge with a determination that clearly shows he is distraught. Edge has already ascertained that, however, since Adam is not dressed in his usual manner. Neither wacky shirt nor cool sarong adorns Adam today. Instead, he is dressed in tight gold spandex and black combat boots, and stands imposingly in Edge's living room.

Edge : "Why, Adam, you are not yourself today."
Adam : "No, indeed, my friend," Adam replies, his usual cool replaced by an uncharacteristic gravity. "As you can see, a serious matter is at hand. That is why I am dressed as The Amazing, All-Powerful Adam."
Edge : (drawing himself up) "What is it, All-Powerful? Is there an emergency?"
All-Powerful :"Yes. It is a situation so serious that it requires all of our powers combined. Hurry up, then, and change into your super lithium-powered rocket boots." Edge dashes off with lightening speed, returning in milliseconds as Electric Erogenous Edge.
All-Powerful :"There's no time to lose, Electric Erogenous Edge. Let us seek out our superallies immediately!" Instantly, our heroes have zapped into the jazzy pad of Bono the Benevolent Boozer. Boozer is snoozing on his leopard-print couch, snoring loudly. His sidekick, Lovely Larry, is curled up at his feet, thumb in his mouth.
Erogenous :"Oh, look at that. Isn't Lovely Larry cute?"
All-Powerful :"Boozer! Lovely Larry! Awaken, for dark duties await us!"

Lovely Larry is on his feet immediately, smoothing his perfect hair and pulling his shirt down over his well-muscled chest, tucking the ends into his bright orange hot pants. Boozer is somewhat more difficult to rouse, slurring something about his mother and rolling over.

Erogenous :"Bono the Benevolent Boozer, if your itty bitty feet aren't into your platform shoes in ten seconds, I will zap your bottom."

This is enough to get Boozer up, already dressed in his ultra super-duper crime-fighting bullet-stopping energy-conducting woman-fetching red velvet leisure suit.

Boozer :"Rock 'n Roll, doggie. I'm ready to ramalama."
Erogenous :"Alright, then. Put on your funky-ass rayglasses and let's go."
Lovely Larry :"But wait, Electric Erogenous Edge. What dastardly deed have we been entreated to stop this time?"
All-Powerful :(looking grim) "It is a dark day, my friends. The evil Fintan Flamebreath has imprisoned all of the Principle women, and is even now in the process of constructing a horrible seventies love den, in which to enslave them all."
Boozer :"The women?!! He has taken the women?!! That vile, nefarious, depraved villain! I will not rest until they are safe, every last one."
All-Powerful :"But wait, Bono the Benevolent Boozer. There's more. Fintan Flamebreath is but a henchman. He is operating under the baneful orders of General Gavin."

Lovely Larry is forced to catch Bono the Benevolent Boozer as he faints.

All-Powerful :"Here is a note that I found at Principle Management."

	Dear Heroes, 

		I have your women.  They will be well taken care of, I assure 
		you.  Should you, Electric Erogenous Edge, try to stop me, 
		you shall suffer greatly.  I will destroy all of your hats and 
		bandanas, and that is only the beginning....

					Hahahahahahahaha,

						General Gavin

After waking Bono the Benevolent Boozer, who had again fallen into slumber, our heroes leap into their amazing faster-than-light speedmobile and dash off to the rescue.

Our heroes arrive at the threshold of the almost-complete love den, recoiling in horror at the sound of the swanking porno guitar that floats out of the open door. Electric Erogenous Edge is part horrified, part mystified by the way the eerie sex lights dance off the mirrored surface of his supersuit. Lovely Larry turns very pale.

Erogenous :"What is it, Lovely Larry?"
Lovely Larry :"Even though I am a dashing superhero, I am unused to this savage atmosphere. It troubles me."
All-Powerful :"Have no fear. We have never before been defeated. Now is our chance to stop General Gavin once and for all!"
Erogenous :"Yes! We must save the women!"
Boozer :"The women!"

Wrapping their capes tightly about them for protection, our heroes penetrate into the dark, throbbing love nest. They immediately spy Fintan Flamebreath, shouting orders to several evil lackeys who scurry about, building the massive structure. An impish, depraved-looking DJ is perched in a garish car hanging from the roof, playing the diabolical music. A dilapidated neon sign reading "ZOO" flashes above his head. The superheroes duck behind a crate full of lava lamps to discuss their plan of attack.

Erogenous :"Bono the Benevolent Boozer, you and Lovely Larry must find a way to distract these evil henchmen while The Amazing All-Powerful Adam and I try to find General Gavin."
Boozer :"Bitchin'. I'm down with that. This plan is the absolute bomb, daddy-o."
Lovely Larry :(concern etched into his chiseled features) "But how can we distract them, Bono the Benevolent Boozer? Fintan Flamebreath has them all hypnotized by his evil mirrorball."
Boozer :"Never underestimate the power of Rock 'n Roll, Lovely Larry."
All-Powerful :"In any case, we have no choice, if we are to rescue the women."
Boozer :"The women!"

With that, Bono the Benevolent Boozer and Lovely Larry sneak off into the darkness.

Erogenous :"And now, Amazing All-Powerful Adam, we must find General Gavin. But which way should we go?"
All-Powerful :"I don't know, Electric Erogenous Edge, but if we're not careful, we will be captured and made to wear tight flowery pants and gold chains and to open the top six buttons of our shirts."
Erogenous :(gasping) "Never! I will not become a dedicated follower of fashion. I'd rather die."
All-Powerful :(grimly) "That choice may be made for us..."

Suddenly, the music is interrupted and there is a burst of feedback. Bono the Benevolent Boozer's voice comes over the microphone as he shoves the unconscious DJ aside.

Boozer :"Achtung babies, there's a new vibe comin' your way. If you'll direct your attention to the center stage... Hold on to your mittens, pussycats, here's Lovely Larry!"

The numerous, intellectually deprived lackeys turn their heads, one by one.

Erogenous :"That's our cue..."

While Bono the Benevolent Boozer is singing Iggy Pop's Lust For Life in falsetto and Lovely Larry does a striptease on a small, zebra-skinned platform in the midst of it all, Electric Erogenous Edge and The Amazing All-Powerful Adam move away stealthily. It is not long, however, before our two superheroes are hopelessly lost in the love nest. They stand uncertainly at a divergence in the tunnel, arguing about which way to go.

Erogenous :"We should go right. I'm sure that's the way."
All-Powerful :"No, no. We must go left."

Tension mounts. Just as they are beginning to panic, a soft, disembodied voice calls, "What are you looking for?"

All-Powerful :"Who's there? Is this another one of your tricks, General Gavin?"
Voice :"Why no, Amazing All-Powerful Adam. My name is Brian, and I am The Master of All That is Good and True. Now, what is it that you seek?"
Erogenous :"We must find the vile General Gavin and destroy him. But we can't agree on which way to go."
Brian :"Do not despair, Heroes. Things are not always what they seem. Try to be a little more creative and eclectic."
All-Powerful :"We don't understand."
Brian :"Blend the two. Go both ways."

With that, The Master of All That is Good and True vanishes. Electric Erogenous Edge and The Amazing All-Powerful Adam look at each other, mystified. Then, they proceed straight ahead, walking into the illusory wall that divided the two paths. They continue unimpeded.

Electric Erogenous Edge and The Amazing All-Powerful Adam stand outside a thick wooden door, listening to the voices of General Gavin and the Principle women inside. There is a great deal of shouting. A thick knot of fear is in our heroes' throats as they shudder to think of what is occurring behind the door.

Erogenous :"Once we open the door, Amazing All-Powerful Adam, I will attack General Gavin straight away. You save the women."
Boozer :"The women!"
Erogenous :"Bono the Benevolent Boozer! I though you were still with Lovely Larry."

Just then, Lovely Larry appears, wearing nothing but a loincloth.

Lovely Larry :"Bono the Benevolent Boozer sang them all a lullaby, and they fell asleep."
All-Powerful :"What about Fintan Flamebreath?"
Boozer :"He's not so hot without THIS!" Bono the Benevolent Boozer holds up Fintan Flamebreath's atomic lightening stick, which he managed to snatch while Flamebreath was busy watching Lovely Larry's striptease.
Erogenous :"Very well, then. Back to our original plan. I shall attack General Gavin"
Boozer :"No! He is mine! I have waited for this moment since our mother separated us at birth! He will not escape me now."
Erogenous :"Fine, whatever."

Without wasting another moment, our heroes burst through the door, weapons in hand. On the other side, they find General Gavin, encircled by several raging women, his arms folded protectively over his head as they hurl obscenities at him. Anne-Louise appears to be the ring-leader, standing with her hands on her hips. When General Gavin realizes that the superheroes are in the room, he rushes towards them, ducking fearfully behind The Amazing All-Powerful Adam.

General Gavin :"Please, heroes. Save me from these horrible women. They will tear me apart any moment, I'm sure!"
Erogenous :"I don't understand. You women are alright?"

The Principle women assure the heroes that they are unscathed, thanking them anyway. Bono the Benevolent Boozer admires General Gavin's decor, pointing out his favourite features. The two leave, arms draped over each other, to find a pub. Lovely Larry, The Amazing All-Powerful Adam and Electric Erogenous Edge do not bother to change out of the orange hot pants, gold spandex, or mirrored supersuit before they join Bono, Gavin and the Principle women to celebrate Edge's birthday.